Handout for Myth #8

Myth #8

Successful Parents Produce Godly Children

REPLACING MY MYTHS WITH TRUTHS
Do I suffer from a flawed belief system? Do I believe that:
· I must be a perfect Christian.
· Everyone should love me and demonstrate their approval of me.
· If I am a good Christian, life will be fair.
· It’s sinful to feel depressed because, if I have God within me, I’ll always be a happy person.
· If I am living in fellowship with God, I will not feel anger towards Him or towards other people.
· It’s my job to meet everyone’ needs.
· If I feel worried, I’m not being a good Christian.
· If God loved me, bad things would simply not happen to me.
· God will bless me with health and happiness if I believe in Him and work hard to serve Him.
· When there is so much real tragedy in the world, it’s wrong for me to feel such grief over all these relatively small things.
(Carol Kent, Secret Longings of the Heart, page 75)
· If I’m a successful parent, I’ll produce Godly children (Fields, Chapter 8)

The apostle Peter said, “Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job.” (1 Peter 4:12) “It is not a sin to be overwhelmed; it is simply recognition of the responsibility God has given us.” (Fields, page 180) “Who can I trust more than God? Before Him, I can release my powerless clutch on my children and myself and return what has belonged to Him all along. I can rest—we can all rest—secure in His hands. These are the hands of the One who has fearfully and wonderfully made every one of us.”(Fields, page 183)

So, as I attempt to replace myths with truth, I can develop a Godly desire to mother without fear and guilt, and have peace knowing that I am not in control of whether my children are Godly or not. The following quotes from Leslie Field’s book support this point:

1. “We know, then, that there is serious error in our assumptions. We have made far too much of ourselves and far too little of God. We have adopted our culture’s belief that we are the primary shapers of our children and that we have control over who they are and who they will become.” (page 174) “We are so focused on ourselves—our own need for success and the success of our children—that we have come to view parenting as a performance or a test.” (page 181)

2. “ Parents with unbelieving children, friends with children in jail, and the faith heroes in Hebrews 11 are all powerful reminders of this truth: our children will make their choices, God will be sovereign, and God will advance His kingdom.” (page 182)

3. “God will use every aspect of my human parenting, even my sins and failures, to shape my children into who He desires them to be, for the sake of His kingdom.” (page 172)

4. “We needn’t try to take the Holy Spirit’s place. Our job is not to judge and convict, but to love and encourage children—and their parents—all along the way, wherever they are in their faith journey.” (page 178)

Consider these key statements, and their implications:
Good mothering is foundational for my children.
My children are hungry for my love.
I may be one of the best teachers my children will ever have.
There is no more important time in my children’s lives than now (first 5—7 years of life). There will NEVER be a better time to impact their lives.
The previous four statements are true; but it does not mean that Mothers are responsible for their children’s choices. So, since I cannot control my children’s choices, what can I do?
I can make time for, and strive to become a Godly Mother and leave the rest up to God.
Do I make time to be a Godly Mother?

Consider the following truths:
· How I live each day demonstrates what I really value: choices, TV programs, the way I treat others, obeying the law, and the words I use in my conversations.
IS THERE CONSISTENCY BETWEEN MY WALK AND MY TALK?
If not, is there something I can do to enhance or improve my consistency?
· I know that I must base my home’s foundation upon the Lord.
HOW SOLID IS MY FAMILY’S SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION, AND WHAT CAN I DO TO IMPROVE IT?
Pray for my children and read them Bible stories. Pursue my own spiritual growth through daily prayer and Bible study.
· I realize that the best approach is to be firm but fair.
AM I AVOIDING MOTHERING EXTREMES LIKE EXAGGERATED SPIRITUAL AUTHORITY OR UNBIBLICAL SERVITUDE? (myth #6)
Offer my children the freedom to think, and ask questions. Allow my children to express their feelings (e.g. anger, frustration, sadness, and fear) in appropriate ways.
· Ask and give respect. Respect is a two-way street.
AM I DEMANDING RESPECT WITHOUT OFFERING IT?
Make a conscious effort to treat my children as I would want to be treated.
· Learn from mistakes; practice active forgiveness (forgive seventy times 7).
DO I HOLD MY CHILDREN ACCOUNTABLE AND RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS? (older children)
Be available to help children learn from their mistakes while offering forgiveness and love.
· What you see is what you get.
AM I ABLE TO BE TRANSPARENT AND ADMIT THAT I AM NOT PERFECT?
Apologize to my children when necessary and attempt clear and open communication
· Real love includes limits.
DO I INVOKE LIMITS WITHOUT MAKING MY CHILDREN FEEL UNLOVED?
Communicate love for my children by being kind and compassionate, but firm and fair.

(Adapted from Leman, Becoming the Parent God Wants You to Be)

Why is it so difficult to trust God with the outcome?
· The outcome may not match my expectations of what I think God should do
· I may have to deal with disappointment and/or confusion
· I may need to deal with the issues that are really at the heart of my discouragement
· I will need to surrender to God’s Will, and surrender doesn’t come naturally for me
· I want life to make sense, and God’s way sometimes doesn’t
· I want life to be on my own terms and timetables (I want what I want, and I want it now)
· I must truly believe that God loves me fully and has my best interests at heart, and I sometimes have trouble believing that

What might be the results of trusting God with the outcome?
· Allows me to put my relationships above my fears
· Frees me to love my children no matter what, and to value their unique design
· Decreases the pressures my children may feel to perform well
· Avoids the tendency to frantically pack every single “Godly” activity into my family’s life
· Permits me increased freedom to enjoy my children
· Discourages me from making comparisons between my children
· I don’t have to force situations just because I feel pressure to make myself look good
· I can focus on God, rather than what I want Him to do, and find comfort from God Himself rather than from an outcome that I desire
· My love for God and trust in Him is strengthened
· Realization that God will not fail me “He will not fail you or forsake you . . . (1 Chronicles 28:20)

There are questions that you may want to discuss in your small groups included in this handout (and in capital letters) under the heading “Do I make time to be a Godly Mother.”

Additional questions:

1. Have I ever fought against a certain outcome, feeling as if God just can’t be in favor of what seems to be happening?

2. My children are very young, and I really don’t know if I am “producing” Godly children. What can I do now to resist the temptation to try to take control of the outcome?

Bible verses from this chapter:
Hebrews 11:32-38 And what more shall I say? For time will fail me if I tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets, who by faith conquered kingdoms, performed acts of righteousness, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection; and others were tortured, not accepting their release, in order that they might obtain a better resurrection; and others experienced mocking and scourging, yes, also chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground.
2 Kings 21:20 And he did evil in the sight of the Lord, as Manasseh his father had done.
2 Kings 23:25 And before him there was no king like him who turned to the Lord with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his might, according to all the law of Moses; nor did any like him arise after him.
Exodus 4:22 Then you shall say to Pharaoh, Thus says the Lord, Israel is My son, My first-born.
1 John 3:2 Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we shall be. We know that, when He appears, we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him just as He is.
Ezekiel 2:3-8 Then He said to me, “Son of man, I am sending you to the sons of Israel, to a rebellious people who have rebelled against Me; they and their fathers have transgressed against Me to this very day. And I am sending you to them who are stubborn and obstinate children; and you shall say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God.’ As for them, whether they listen or not—for they are a rebellious house—they will know that a prophet has been among them. And you, son of man, neither fear them nor fear their words, though thistles and thorns are with you and you sit on scorpions; neither fear their words nor be dismayed at their presence, for they are a rebellious house. But you shall speak My words to them whether they listen or not, for they are rebellious. Now you, son of man, listen to what I am speaking to you; do not be rebellious like that rebellious house. Open your mouth and eat what I am giving you.
Ezekiel 3:7 Yet the house of Israel will not be willing to listen to you, since they are not willing to listen to Me. Surely the whole house of Israel is stubborn and obstinate.
Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast.

Handout for Myth #7

You Will ALWAYS Feel

Unconditional Love for your Children

IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR A JOB,
WOULD YOU ANSWER THIS WANT-AD?

MOTHER WANTED. Position:

Job Description:
• Challenging work in an often chaotic environment.
• Communication and organizational skills necessary, and willingness to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends, and frequent 24-hour shifts on call. In other words, FLEXIBILITY and no rest.
• Permanent position – for the rest of your life
• Priorities need to be service, humility, and love
• Involves lots of physical activity, and must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
• Workable knowledge of psychological theories, and child-rearing techniques
• Trained in medical emergencies
• Working knowledge of small engines, heat/air systems, basic plumbing, automobile service, garage door openers, and washer/dryer operations
• High level critical thinking and problem solving skills necessary
• Fluent in beginning language, nonverbal communication, and interpretation of gesturing behaviors
• Sharp and intuitive empathic and sympathetic skills
• Personality must be serious yet fun, disciplined yet spontaneous, poised yet affectionate, compassionate yet not too emotional
• God-fearing, Christian female preferred
Responsibilities:
• Must integrate and maintain many calendars
• Must know all group food preferences, and buy and prepare all meals accordingly
• Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for “clients” of all ages, mental outlooks, and abilities
• Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and left out the next
• Must perform all clothes and linen service -- laundry, folding, dry cleaning, changing sheets on cribs and beds
• Must always hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst
• Must assume some accountability for the quality of the end product
• Must do floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the entire facility
• Must deal with the possibility of family members or co-workers coming in the front door and leaving their brain on the entry-way table
• Must always be on top of the latest fashion for children, babies, and Moms, plus be aware of innovative interior decorating techniques for nurseries, playrooms, house in general (like choosing colors that “pop”)
• Must be prepared to not freak out with sudden loud noises like slamming doors, breaking dishes, dropping silverware and toys, and cries of anger, joy, or injury
• Must manage all service calls for home maintenance and repair
• Must be on top of all housekeeping chores like dusting, scrubbing, bathrooms, windows
• Must be able to drive a car and a van
• Must possess financial skills—budgeting, check balancing, online accounts and banking


People who accept this position must possess more than just a willingness to do the right thing – they must meet the requirements of this ad repeatedly, with little positive feedback, and without formal training. And Moms do . . . all the time.
Dirty diapers, endless errands, sleepless nights, changes in body image, etc. –what is it that makes Moms do this? Could it be unconditional love?

TRANSFERRING MY HEART-FELT LOVE TO MY CHILDREN

The discussion about this myth, “you will always feel unconditional love for your children,” needs to begin with clarification about the difference between Mothers making a choice in favor of: unconditional love vs. consistently showing feelings of love. This is not a conflict. The two are different. We can have unconditional love yet not always consistently show (or even have) feelings of love.
Explanation: I believe that, as Moms, we love our children because of who they are, not what they do. This means that we unconditionally love our children. Our love doesn’t “disappear” when we are having a bad day, or when our children are having a bad day. That unconditional love, however, is manifested in many different ways. When we have difficulty with our children we feel confused, frustrated, fatigued, fear failure, experience lack of feedback and loneliness. These emotions can and often do drown out our “love feelings.” Furthermore, we think we observe “perfect” Moms who seem to always be calm, loving, and patient-- which make us feel even more alone. We could ask ourselves: “are those Moms truly that way, are we just not seeing everything, or are they Moms who cannot risk being real?” What do you think?
What can unconditional love for my children “look like?”
• A desire for my children’s highest good even though it may not look or feel that way
• Perseverance through hardships
• Not dependent upon reciprocity
• Full of conflicting emotions like disappointment, fear, affection, anger, hurt, joy, confusion, peace, sadness, lament, excitement
• A range of responses like protection, guilt, denial, euphoria, tenderness
• Not indifferent
• Not always an emotional high
• Drawing me near to my children even when they are rebellious
• A choice that continues even though emotions may not support
• Challenging
• Never ending

Story of unconditional love:
THIS IS LOVE by Renee Swope

I was driving my son to school one morning when out of the blue I started wondering what makes him feel loved. I assumed it was when I buy him something, or when I make his favorite food, or when I let him have a friend over. Basically, I figured he feels most loved when I give him what He wants.
I decided to ask him. “Andrew, what makes you feel loved?”
He sat there quietly, thinking. Then he blurted out a surprising answer.
“THIS!”
“This?” I asked.
“Yeah, Mom. This. You being with me. You driving me to school and talking to me about my day. You telling me you’ll be there when I get home. That makes me feel loved. Thanks, Mom. I love you, bye!” And he hopped out of the car.
This is love?
You mean I don’t have to run out and buy something? Me being there for him is love? Even after I was harsh with my words yesterday prompting him to ask if I was mad about something. Still, this is love?

As I drove away, I wondered if God were to ask me what makes me feel loved, what would I say? Immediately my heart whispered, “Lord, this is love. You asking and caring. You being there. You keeping Your promises like You said You would.”
This is love.
A promise that is kept.
A place that is certain.
Someone who asks.
Someone who listens.
Someone who is present again and again. Forever.
We are loved. We don’t have to wait for God to show it. He already has! He sent His Son so that we could know Him in an intimate relationship. Then He promised He’d always be there for us, and He is. He is present and listening. Asking and caring. No matter what we are going through today, we can live in His love. And we can love from the overflow of being loved. We can know and rely on God’s promises and presence, and be made complete in Him.


QUESTIONS:
1. Have I been surprised by my Mom job description?

2. Has being a Mom been a big adjustment for me?

3. What do I do with the negative emotions I feel like guilt, anger, and hurt during the times when I believe that I should be feeling only positive emotions about my children?

4. How do I feel when I admit: mothering is hard work and it’s a job I can’t quit. Once I have a child, there is no longer the option to stop being a Mom.

5. Do I question whether or not I feel unconditional love for my child?


Matthew 5:48 “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Malachi 3:6 “For I, the Lord, do not change; therefore you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed.”
Matthew 10:34-36 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of this household.”
Isaiah 65:2 “I have spread out My hands all day long to a rebellious people, who walk in the way which is not good, following their own thoughts.”
Matthew 23:27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like white-washed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.”
Matthew 10:22, 38 “And you will be hated by all on account of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved. 38: And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.”
Matthew 23:37 “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling.”
Isaiah 63:9-10 In all their affliction He was afflicted, and the angel of His presence saved them; in His love and in His mercy He redeemed them; and He lifted them and carried them all the days of old. But they rebelled and grieved His Holy Spirit; therefore, He turned Himself to become their enemy, He fought against them.
Deuteronomy 32:19-20, 23-24 And the Lord saw this, and spurned them because of the provocation of His sons and daughters. Then He said, I will hide My face from them, I will see what their end shall be; for they are a perverse generation, sons in whom is no faithfulness.
Jeremiah 12:7-8 “I have forsaken My house, I have abandoned My inheritance; I have given the beloved of My soul into the hand of her enemies. My inheritance has become to Me like a lion in the forest; she has roared against Me; therefore I have come to hate her.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Deuteronomy 32:15, 18 But Jeshurun grew fat and kicked—you are grown fat, thick, and sleek—then he forsook God who made him, and scorned the Rock of his salvation. “You neglected the Rock who begot you, and forgot the God who gave you birth.”
Deuteronomy 32:10-11 He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of a wilderness; He encircled him, He cared for him, He guarded him as the pupil of His eye. Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that hovers over its young, He spread His wings and caught them, He carried them on His pinions.
James 1:7 For let not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord
Luke 10:27 And he answered and said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
Ephesians 5:2 And walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
1 John 4:8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

women's ministries announcements

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Handout for Myth #6

PRESENTING JESUS

TO MY CHILDREN

Being a Mom is a wonderful gift from God. It isn’t always easy but in the end, I know that my commitment to being a Mom has been well worth the effort. I want to treat my children like the really special blessings from God they are. However, in my quest to be a good Mom, I think that I sometimes go overboard. Sometimes, I come across as too much of a spiritual authority. At other times, I behave on the opposite end of the spectrum, being overly permissive and serving their every need or whim.


Two “Parenting” extremes are presented by Fields in her Myth Book: 1) parents who display an exaggeration of spiritual authority and omniscience, and 2) parents who show an unbiblical and imbalanced servitude. These are displayed on this continuum:

E S A / O ≤-------------------------------------------------------------------≥ U/ I S

GROUP DISCUSSION/REFLECTION: Where on this continuum do I place my Mothering style? Does that placement change depending upon the situation/stress/how I feel/what is going on?

I believe that one of my greatest callings in life is to pass my faith on to my children. Jesus is the foundation of our marriage and our home. I pray for my children, and I so desperately want them to learn to pray for themselves and learn how to face everyday life challenges walking hand in hand with Jesus. If I desire to pass on faith to my children, I need to stay away from the extremes that risk leaving God out of the picture. The blue and the green print are examples of extremes.

Examples of parenting on various points of the continuum:

Exaggeration of spiritual authority/omniscience:
*My children are to obey me or else: no discussion. I set the rules and they follow. When decisions need to be made, I make them because I do the best job. Children shouldn’t have a say.
*I am responsible for these children and they will learn to follow my Godly example.
*When I think about my children, I focus on whether they are doing right or wrong, and what I must do about it.
*It’s so important to be away from my children so that I have plenty of time for myself. They just have to learn to follow what I have taught them while I’m away.

Somewhere in the middle:
*I treat my children like what they are – special blessings from God.
*When I think about my children, I thank God for blessing me with them.
*When I think about my children, I smile.
*After being away from my children, I look forward to going home and spending time with them.

Unbiblical/imbalanced servitude:
*I try very hard to make sure everything is perfect for my children. I want only positive things in their lives.
*God gave me these children to show them that I can be everything to them, that they can be happy if they rely on me.
*When I think about my children, I become fearful and feel inadequate so I try harder to make their life complete.
*I won’t leave my children. It’s just too hard. I need to always be there so that nothing bad happens.

If I see myself at either extreme on the continuum, what can I do? It may be by committing to parenting as God “parents” me:
1. Love – I experience unchanging and unending love from God.
2. Precious – I know that I am precious in His sight.
3. Availability – God is always accessible to me.
4. Guidance – God gives me guidance and direction.
5. Discipline – God disciplines me out of love, not anger, and with my best interests at heart.
6. Patience – God is patient with me.
7. Integrity – God is honest, keeps His promises, and has proven Himself trustworthy.
AND, by believing these facts about my child:
1. My child was known by God intimately even when he was still in the womb.
2. My child’s personality was carefully crafted by God intentionally.
3. My child was commissioned by God with an individual mission for his life.

Key Point:
When I concentrate on presenting Jesus to my children (and not trying to be Jesus), I communicate not only that I need Jesus, but that I long for my children to see their need for Him. If I stay at either end of the continuum, I jeopardize developing my child’s ability to deal with life. If my child sees me as his omnipotent/spiritual authority, or as a Mom who solves all his problems by always serving him to the exclusion of all else, then he will look to me and not to God when things go wrong.

“It is not Jesus’ authority and omniscience that we are called to imitate but His humility, His servant hood, and His sacrifice.” (Fields, pg 136) “This is how we live out Jesus to one another. Not by stealing Jesus’ authority or assuming His omniscience, but by humbly serving.” (Fields, 142) My children need to see me serving others (and not just them), so that they can, in turn, learn to serve.

A Radical Result:
Sometimes, we will catch a glimpse of a servant’s heart in our children. Even when our children are very young, we may have the opportunity to be humbled and encouraged as they serve others.

Examples:
· I have observed my two-year-old putting his arm around my one-year-old when he was crying.
· I have observed my four-year-old give my two-year-old the toy they both want.
· I have observed my 9-month-old completely stopping her play and babble when she heard me cry.
· I have observed my extremely handicapped child look at others with a pure love.
· I have observed my three-year-old moving over on the couch to make room for his one-year-old brother when we all sat down to read a book.
· I have observed my three-year-old say a prayer of thanksgiving for his family.

QUESTIONS:
1. Have I had the opportunity to observe my child loving or serving others?

2. In what ways have I been able to let go and allow God to enter the picture as I raise my children?

BIBLE VERSES FROM CHAPTER:
Matt 25:40 “And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’”
Psalm 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb; these who speak lies go astray from birth.
Matt 18:2-4 And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 19:14-15 But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” And after laying His hands on them, He departed from there.
Matthew 20:28 “Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
Philippians 2:7 But emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.
Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
1 Peter 2:16 Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bond-slaves of God.
Ephesians 5:22-25 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
Luke 10:38-42 Now as they were traveling along, He entered a certain village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. And she had a sister called Mary, who moreover was listening to the Lord’s word, seated at His feet. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him, and said, Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken from her.”
Luke 11:27-28 And it came about while He said these things, one of the women in the crowd raised her voice, and said to Him “Blessed is the womb that bore You, and the breasts at which You nursed.” But He said, “On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God, and observe it.”

Recipes

We are collecting family-friendly recipes for a Moms & More recipe booklet! Please send as many recipes as you like to constanceks@aol.com or Morgan at morganann00@hotmail.com or bring your recipes on Tuesday. DEADLINE 10/27.

What's my child's love language?

5 observations

that will help you

figure out your child's

LOVE LANGUAGE

1. How does your child express love to you?
2. How does your child express love to others?
3. What does your child want most often from you?
4. What does your child most frequently complain about not getting?
5. Give your child a choice between two different examples of the languages.

PUMPKIN PATCH DAY!

Friday, October 23rd

9:30am at the

Bo Brooks Farm Pumpkin Patch

about 3 miles past Pinnacle Mountain

Cost:

adults $2

*includes hayride only

children $6

*includes hayride, hay maze, corn maze, hay pyramid, and

picking your own pumpkin (either a sugar pumpkin or 3 mini pumpkins)

• Group hayrides can be scheduled.
• Picnic are available, so bring a blanket to sit on.
• Snacks & drinks available from 50 cents to a dollar.
• Photographer available on Fridays ($10)
• Talk to your small group about meeting up or going together!

http://www.bobrookfarms.com/

Handout for Myth #5

If You Find Parenting Difficult,

You Must Not Be Following the Right Plan

Giving Up My Quest to Discover the Best Formula for Raising my Children

Pursuing a Genuine Relationship with God

“The hardest, most real work of parenting is done when I give up my own agenda and seek God’s, when my heart asks to be molded to God’s will and character.” (Fields, pg 116) So, what does it mean to give up “my agenda” to seek God’s? Do I pursue God and let “the village” raise my child?

If having children meant that Moms would find themselves having to ignore their relationship with God, I doubt that God would give us the gift of children. God designed within every Mother the necessary tools to parent our children, and I know that God wants me to attend to my child’s needs. Some of the most basic needs are:

Nutrition – breastfeeding and/or infant formula, introduction of solids and nutritious food
Development - milestones with an emphasis on the individuality of each infant
Connecting - bonding and how this varies for each individual
Communicating – listening to baby, development of language
Behavior - you cannot spoil a newborn, teachable moments, positive reinforcement
Sleep – adequate amount, SIDs safety
Health and care - signs of illness and what to do, immunizations and hygiene

But, there is more to raising children than just being attentive to these basic needs. Sometimes, however, I think that the current parenting programs, formulas, and books paradoxically increase my fears and concerns. I know that being a Mom is not easy. The demands are constant; I cannot sit back and coast. The tasks are never-ending, and there is much to learn. But how can I put it all together to be the best Mom I can be? What is my first step? Do I need to take an inventory? Is my life so caught up in trying to be the best Mom that I’ve forgotten my relationship with God? Is my life sending my children a message of hypocrisy and spiritual indifference? Is my own commitment to Christ what I hope to see in my children’s lives? How do I integrate being a good Mom with putting my relationship with God as a priority?

What does the Bible say about being a Mom?

1. Children are blessed gifts from God Psalm 127:3-5: “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them”

2. Children are a joy, not a burden Proverbs 29:17: “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul.”

3. Raising children is a “full-time” responsibility Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”

4. Children need to be taught about God Ephesians 6:4: “Do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
So, because of what God says, I know I am on firm ground as I work diligently to be a good Mom. God has given me a gift, and has inspired a new kind of commitment – a “blueprint” that comes from Him and flows through me to my children.

Scenario for Discussion:

I am feeling isolated and alone. I’ve asked God to please help me feel better about my life. I am a young Mom, with one child, and my husband works long hours. We do not live close to family. I’m trying to be a good Mom, and I think I’m doing most things right, but I still feel insecure in this new role. It’s been a big adjustment, and that has surprised me. I’ve always wanted to be a Mom and I thought that all of this would come easily for me. When I begin to wonder if I’m doing things right, I read more books written by child care experts, but sometimes the books cause confusion. I love my child so much, and am disappointed that my days sometimes feel long and not a lot of fun, particularly if the baby doesn’t nap, or my husband doesn’t come home until late. Is there something else I could do? Am I missing something? I want to be able to say at the end of the day, “I’m a Mom, and I love it!” It’s not that I can’t say that, but everything has changed for me, and I don’t know how I feel!

QUESTIONS:

1. Have I ever felt like this?
2. What helps me most when I feel insecure about being a Mom?
3. Does God understand my frustrations, longings, hurt?
4. What are God’s promises to me when I feel lonely and insecure?

GROUP DISCUSSION:

God chose me to be the Mom. How can my relationship with God help me with any of the following statements?

· The verb that most accurately describes the management of my life is “to juggle.” Motherhood is one of the balls I am trying to keep in the air.

· Now that I am a Mom, I am feeling a mismatch between expectation and experience, between what I “ought” to be feeling and how I do feel.

· Motherhood is more than I bargained for.

· I have been given a child to be loved, cherished, cared for, and protected. I feel so blessed, but also fearful at times. I love my child so much!

· I think that sometimes I’m being judged by other Moms. I observe some “competitive mothering” and sometimes have trouble coping with “know-it-alls,” “finger-pointers,” and others who try to “out-Mom” me.

Bible Verses in Chapter:
Ephesians 6:4 And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord
Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.”
Proverbs 13:24; He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Psalm 34:11 Come you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Psalm 78:4-6 We will not conceal them from their children, but tell to the generation to come the praises of the Lord and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should teach them to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their children.
Luke 18:16-17 But Jesus called for them, saying, “Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all.
Matthew 18:6 “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck, and that he be drowned in the depth of the sea.”
Matthew 10:37 “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.”
Mark 3:35 “For whoever does the will of God, he is My brother and sister and mother.”
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
Judges 13:8 Then Manoah entreated the Lord and said, “O Lord, please let the man of God whom Thou hast sent come to us again that he may teach us what to do for the boy who is to be born.
Psalm 128:3 Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine, within your house, your children like olive plants around your table.
Galatians 2:16; Nevertheless knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we may be justified by faith in Christ, and not by the works of the Law; since by the works of the Law shall no flesh be justified.
Galatians 3:24 Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, that we may be justified by faith.
Isaiah 29:13 Then the Lord said, “Because this people draw near with their words and honor Me with their lip service, but they remove their hearts far from Me, and their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote.