Ideas From KidzRAP For Serving

Yesterday, Karman from KidzRAP (Reaching All People) gave us some amazing ideas for serving alongside our children. We teach our kids by showing them what we want them to do. In order to raise kids who serve their community with love, we need to show them what that looks like!

Go to the Handouts Page of this blog to see KidzRAP's helpful listing of service projects in which we can include our children as young as 1 year old. Remember, her first and easiest suggestion was to prepare and take a meal to any new neighbors. Involve your kids by letting them come with you to meet your new neighbors and welcome them. For lots more ideas, look at the handout, located on the Handouts Page of this blog.

Thanks, Karman, for inspiring us to help instill loving service into our children!

Handout for Myth #9

Myth #9

God Approves of Only One Family Design

“We must not worship one family model. We are called to worship God alone.” (Fields, page 199)

Every Family is Unique

“As I look at families around me, I see an amazing divergence from the ‘ideal.’” (page 191)
“We celebrate families with a husband and wife who love each other and their children. But we must not privilege a narrowly defined model of the Christian family, punishing all others. When we recognize the beautiful, redeemed variety of families in God’s kingdom, we are free to embrace what God is doing in our own homes.” (page 201) “Our earthly families will be formed in a variety of ways, across cultures and generations, with this one constant: we will always be imperfect.” (page 204)

Some examples of different family designs (there are many more):
1. Dad, Mom, child
2. Mom and child
3. Dad and child
4. Dad, Mom, adopted child
5. Dad, Mom, child born outside of marriage
6. Blended families
7. Large families, small families
8. Married, no children
9. Dads who are breadwinners, Moms who are breadwinners
10. Families with handicapped children, mental illness, or chronic illness
11. Extended families who live close by, extended families who live far away

Some examples of backgrounds that you as a Mom may come from, and may therefore bring a history of a different family design:

1. A broken home
2. Abusive parents
3. A very poor family, or a very wealthy family
4. An alcoholic parent



Does a non-traditional family design limit worship or service to God?

The family design itself is not the cause of limited worship and/or service to God. Thankfully, we have a Savior who looks directly at each one of us, seeing us as we are and valuing us as His own prized creation. From the moment we know Jesus, He can change everything. He enters our families and provides hope for our homes, no matter what family design is present. Our children can learn about belonging, thanksgiving, joy, trust, love, and forgiveness because of Him, not because we have a ‘perfect’ family design.


The traditional family design, (husband and wife who love each other and their children), has great potential to be a secure and positive place for children. It allows faith and love to grow without the existence of some of the “obstacles” that other, less traditional families encounter. However, non-traditional family designs can also provide unique opportunities for children to learn and grow.

Single motherhood can be a challenge for both Moms and children; however, through the single Moms’ faithfulness, many positive things can happen:

· Strong character
· Strong bonds between Mom and child
· Strong lessons
· Strong faith

“There is no way to know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you’ve got.” (Hutchcraft, 5 Needs your Child must have Met at Home, page 184)

A family with a handicapped child may learn:
· Compassion
· Acceptance
· Valuing others for who they are and not what they can do
· Patience

A family with many children may learn:
· Sharing
· Cooperation
· Selflessness

A Mom who has come from an abusive home may learn:
· Forgiveness
· Strength
· Healing

The lessons these families learn through their experiences often lead them to help others, and it can uniquely equip them for this task. Their worship and service to others may happen because of their different family designs. “The family is vitally important, and it is one means among others that God uses to shape His people and direct His purpose.” (page 203)

Our family designs may not be the same, but God’s promises are. These promises made by God are not because of our family design, but because He loves us: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Scriptural promises:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 20:11-12

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor My covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. Psalm 55:22

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

When the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away. 1 Peter 5:4

But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3

He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1John 1:9

For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Psalm 84:11

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Matthew 5:8

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, Who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5

QUESTIONS:

1. Have I felt insecure because of my past or present family design?

2. Has my family design had an impact on my spiritual life?

3. Have I been able to see the positive side of being a part of a non-traditional family design?

4. Do I feel God’s love through His promises?

Bible Verses included in Chapter:

Chapters 27 and 45 of Genesis and Genesis 41:53—42:3

1 Corinthians 12:20 But Now there are many members, but one body.

Romans 6:1-2 What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace might increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?

John 14:2 “In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you.

Revelation 21:3, 7 And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He shall dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself shall be among them, and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”

Handout for Myth #8

Myth #8

Successful Parents Produce Godly Children

REPLACING MY MYTHS WITH TRUTHS
Do I suffer from a flawed belief system? Do I believe that:
· I must be a perfect Christian.
· Everyone should love me and demonstrate their approval of me.
· If I am a good Christian, life will be fair.
· It’s sinful to feel depressed because, if I have God within me, I’ll always be a happy person.
· If I am living in fellowship with God, I will not feel anger towards Him or towards other people.
· It’s my job to meet everyone’ needs.
· If I feel worried, I’m not being a good Christian.
· If God loved me, bad things would simply not happen to me.
· God will bless me with health and happiness if I believe in Him and work hard to serve Him.
· When there is so much real tragedy in the world, it’s wrong for me to feel such grief over all these relatively small things.
(Carol Kent, Secret Longings of the Heart, page 75)
· If I’m a successful parent, I’ll produce Godly children (Fields, Chapter 8)

The apostle Peter said, “Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job.” (1 Peter 4:12) “It is not a sin to be overwhelmed; it is simply recognition of the responsibility God has given us.” (Fields, page 180) “Who can I trust more than God? Before Him, I can release my powerless clutch on my children and myself and return what has belonged to Him all along. I can rest—we can all rest—secure in His hands. These are the hands of the One who has fearfully and wonderfully made every one of us.”(Fields, page 183)

So, as I attempt to replace myths with truth, I can develop a Godly desire to mother without fear and guilt, and have peace knowing that I am not in control of whether my children are Godly or not. The following quotes from Leslie Field’s book support this point:

1. “We know, then, that there is serious error in our assumptions. We have made far too much of ourselves and far too little of God. We have adopted our culture’s belief that we are the primary shapers of our children and that we have control over who they are and who they will become.” (page 174) “We are so focused on ourselves—our own need for success and the success of our children—that we have come to view parenting as a performance or a test.” (page 181)

2. “ Parents with unbelieving children, friends with children in jail, and the faith heroes in Hebrews 11 are all powerful reminders of this truth: our children will make their choices, God will be sovereign, and God will advance His kingdom.” (page 182)

3. “God will use every aspect of my human parenting, even my sins and failures, to shape my children into who He desires them to be, for the sake of His kingdom.” (page 172)

4. “We needn’t try to take the Holy Spirit’s place. Our job is not to judge and convict, but to love and encourage children—and their parents—all along the way, wherever they are in their faith journey.” (page 178)

Consider these key statements, and their implications:
Good mothering is foundational for my children.
My children are hungry for my love.
I may be one of the best teachers my children will ever have.
There is no more important time in my children’s lives than now (first 5—7 years of life). There will NEVER be a better time to impact their lives.
The previous four statements are true; but it does not mean that Mothers are responsible for their children’s choices. So, since I cannot control my children’s choices, what can I do?
I can make time for, and strive to become a Godly Mother and leave the rest up to God.
Do I make time to be a Godly Mother?

Consider the following truths:
· How I live each day demonstrates what I really value: choices, TV programs, the way I treat others, obeying the law, and the words I use in my conversations.
IS THERE CONSISTENCY BETWEEN MY WALK AND MY TALK?
If not, is there something I can do to enhance or improve my consistency?
· I know that I must base my home’s foundation upon the Lord.
HOW SOLID IS MY FAMILY’S SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION, AND WHAT CAN I DO TO IMPROVE IT?
Pray for my children and read them Bible stories. Pursue my own spiritual growth through daily prayer and Bible study.
· I realize that the best approach is to be firm but fair.
AM I AVOIDING MOTHERING EXTREMES LIKE EXAGGERATED SPIRITUAL AUTHORITY OR UNBIBLICAL SERVITUDE? (myth #6)
Offer my children the freedom to think, and ask questions. Allow my children to express their feelings (e.g. anger, frustration, sadness, and fear) in appropriate ways.
· Ask and give respect. Respect is a two-way street.
AM I DEMANDING RESPECT WITHOUT OFFERING IT?
Make a conscious effort to treat my children as I would want to be treated.
· Learn from mistakes; practice active forgiveness (forgive seventy times 7).
DO I HOLD MY CHILDREN ACCOUNTABLE AND RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS? (older children)
Be available to help children learn from their mistakes while offering forgiveness and love.
· What you see is what you get.
AM I ABLE TO BE TRANSPARENT AND ADMIT THAT I AM NOT PERFECT?
Apologize to my children when necessary and attempt clear and open communication
· Real love includes limits.
DO I INVOKE LIMITS WITHOUT MAKING MY CHILDREN FEEL UNLOVED?
Communicate love for my children by being kind and compassionate, but firm and fair.

(Adapted from Leman, Becoming the Parent God Wants You to Be)

Why is it so difficult to trust God with the outcome?
· The outcome may not match my expectations of what I think God should do
· I may have to deal with disappointment and/or confusion
· I may need to deal with the issues that are really at the heart of my discouragement
· I will need to surrender to God’s Will, and surrender doesn’t come naturally for me
· I want life to make sense, and God’s way sometimes doesn’t
· I want life to be on my own terms and timetables (I want what I want, and I want it now)
· I must truly believe that God loves me fully and has my best interests at heart, and I sometimes have trouble believing that

What might be the results of trusting God with the outcome?
· Allows me to put my relationships above my fears
· Frees me to love my children no matter what, and to value their unique design
· Decreases the pressures my children may feel to perform well
· Avoids the tendency to frantically pack every single “Godly” activity into my family’s life
· Permits me increased freedom to enjoy my children
· Discourages me from making comparisons between my children
· I don’t have to force situations just because I feel pressure to make myself look good
· I can focus on God, rather than what I want Him to do, and find comfort from God Himself rather than from an outcome that I desire
· My love for God and trust in Him is strengthened
· Realization that God will not fail me “He will not fail you or forsake you . . . (1 Chronicles 28:20)

There are questions that you may want to discuss in your small groups included in this handout (and in capital letters) under the heading “Do I make time to be a Godly Mother.”

Additional questions:

1. Have I ever fought against a certain outcome, feeling as if God just can’t be in favor of what seems to be happening?

2. My children are very young, and I really don’t know if I am “producing” Godly children. What can I do now to resist the temptation to try to take control of the outcome?

Bible verses from this chapter:
Hebrews 11:32-38 And what more shall I say? For time will fail me if I tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets, who by faith conquered kingdoms, performed acts of righteousness, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection; and others were tortured, not accepting their release, in order that they might obtain a better resurrection; and others experienced mocking and scourging, yes, also chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground.
2 Kings 21:20 And he did evil in the sight of the Lord, as Manasseh his father had done.
2 Kings 23:25 And before him there was no king like him who turned to the Lord with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his might, according to all the law of Moses; nor did any like him arise after him.
Exodus 4:22 Then you shall say to Pharaoh, Thus says the Lord, Israel is My son, My first-born.
1 John 3:2 Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we shall be. We know that, when He appears, we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him just as He is.
Ezekiel 2:3-8 Then He said to me, “Son of man, I am sending you to the sons of Israel, to a rebellious people who have rebelled against Me; they and their fathers have transgressed against Me to this very day. And I am sending you to them who are stubborn and obstinate children; and you shall say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God.’ As for them, whether they listen or not—for they are a rebellious house—they will know that a prophet has been among them. And you, son of man, neither fear them nor fear their words, though thistles and thorns are with you and you sit on scorpions; neither fear their words nor be dismayed at their presence, for they are a rebellious house. But you shall speak My words to them whether they listen or not, for they are rebellious. Now you, son of man, listen to what I am speaking to you; do not be rebellious like that rebellious house. Open your mouth and eat what I am giving you.
Ezekiel 3:7 Yet the house of Israel will not be willing to listen to you, since they are not willing to listen to Me. Surely the whole house of Israel is stubborn and obstinate.
Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast.

Handout for Myth #7

You Will ALWAYS Feel

Unconditional Love for your Children

IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR A JOB,
WOULD YOU ANSWER THIS WANT-AD?

MOTHER WANTED. Position:

Job Description:
• Challenging work in an often chaotic environment.
• Communication and organizational skills necessary, and willingness to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends, and frequent 24-hour shifts on call. In other words, FLEXIBILITY and no rest.
• Permanent position – for the rest of your life
• Priorities need to be service, humility, and love
• Involves lots of physical activity, and must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
• Workable knowledge of psychological theories, and child-rearing techniques
• Trained in medical emergencies
• Working knowledge of small engines, heat/air systems, basic plumbing, automobile service, garage door openers, and washer/dryer operations
• High level critical thinking and problem solving skills necessary
• Fluent in beginning language, nonverbal communication, and interpretation of gesturing behaviors
• Sharp and intuitive empathic and sympathetic skills
• Personality must be serious yet fun, disciplined yet spontaneous, poised yet affectionate, compassionate yet not too emotional
• God-fearing, Christian female preferred
Responsibilities:
• Must integrate and maintain many calendars
• Must know all group food preferences, and buy and prepare all meals accordingly
• Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for “clients” of all ages, mental outlooks, and abilities
• Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and left out the next
• Must perform all clothes and linen service -- laundry, folding, dry cleaning, changing sheets on cribs and beds
• Must always hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst
• Must assume some accountability for the quality of the end product
• Must do floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the entire facility
• Must deal with the possibility of family members or co-workers coming in the front door and leaving their brain on the entry-way table
• Must always be on top of the latest fashion for children, babies, and Moms, plus be aware of innovative interior decorating techniques for nurseries, playrooms, house in general (like choosing colors that “pop”)
• Must be prepared to not freak out with sudden loud noises like slamming doors, breaking dishes, dropping silverware and toys, and cries of anger, joy, or injury
• Must manage all service calls for home maintenance and repair
• Must be on top of all housekeeping chores like dusting, scrubbing, bathrooms, windows
• Must be able to drive a car and a van
• Must possess financial skills—budgeting, check balancing, online accounts and banking


People who accept this position must possess more than just a willingness to do the right thing – they must meet the requirements of this ad repeatedly, with little positive feedback, and without formal training. And Moms do . . . all the time.
Dirty diapers, endless errands, sleepless nights, changes in body image, etc. –what is it that makes Moms do this? Could it be unconditional love?

TRANSFERRING MY HEART-FELT LOVE TO MY CHILDREN

The discussion about this myth, “you will always feel unconditional love for your children,” needs to begin with clarification about the difference between Mothers making a choice in favor of: unconditional love vs. consistently showing feelings of love. This is not a conflict. The two are different. We can have unconditional love yet not always consistently show (or even have) feelings of love.
Explanation: I believe that, as Moms, we love our children because of who they are, not what they do. This means that we unconditionally love our children. Our love doesn’t “disappear” when we are having a bad day, or when our children are having a bad day. That unconditional love, however, is manifested in many different ways. When we have difficulty with our children we feel confused, frustrated, fatigued, fear failure, experience lack of feedback and loneliness. These emotions can and often do drown out our “love feelings.” Furthermore, we think we observe “perfect” Moms who seem to always be calm, loving, and patient-- which make us feel even more alone. We could ask ourselves: “are those Moms truly that way, are we just not seeing everything, or are they Moms who cannot risk being real?” What do you think?
What can unconditional love for my children “look like?”
• A desire for my children’s highest good even though it may not look or feel that way
• Perseverance through hardships
• Not dependent upon reciprocity
• Full of conflicting emotions like disappointment, fear, affection, anger, hurt, joy, confusion, peace, sadness, lament, excitement
• A range of responses like protection, guilt, denial, euphoria, tenderness
• Not indifferent
• Not always an emotional high
• Drawing me near to my children even when they are rebellious
• A choice that continues even though emotions may not support
• Challenging
• Never ending

Story of unconditional love:
THIS IS LOVE by Renee Swope

I was driving my son to school one morning when out of the blue I started wondering what makes him feel loved. I assumed it was when I buy him something, or when I make his favorite food, or when I let him have a friend over. Basically, I figured he feels most loved when I give him what He wants.
I decided to ask him. “Andrew, what makes you feel loved?”
He sat there quietly, thinking. Then he blurted out a surprising answer.
“THIS!”
“This?” I asked.
“Yeah, Mom. This. You being with me. You driving me to school and talking to me about my day. You telling me you’ll be there when I get home. That makes me feel loved. Thanks, Mom. I love you, bye!” And he hopped out of the car.
This is love?
You mean I don’t have to run out and buy something? Me being there for him is love? Even after I was harsh with my words yesterday prompting him to ask if I was mad about something. Still, this is love?

As I drove away, I wondered if God were to ask me what makes me feel loved, what would I say? Immediately my heart whispered, “Lord, this is love. You asking and caring. You being there. You keeping Your promises like You said You would.”
This is love.
A promise that is kept.
A place that is certain.
Someone who asks.
Someone who listens.
Someone who is present again and again. Forever.
We are loved. We don’t have to wait for God to show it. He already has! He sent His Son so that we could know Him in an intimate relationship. Then He promised He’d always be there for us, and He is. He is present and listening. Asking and caring. No matter what we are going through today, we can live in His love. And we can love from the overflow of being loved. We can know and rely on God’s promises and presence, and be made complete in Him.


QUESTIONS:
1. Have I been surprised by my Mom job description?

2. Has being a Mom been a big adjustment for me?

3. What do I do with the negative emotions I feel like guilt, anger, and hurt during the times when I believe that I should be feeling only positive emotions about my children?

4. How do I feel when I admit: mothering is hard work and it’s a job I can’t quit. Once I have a child, there is no longer the option to stop being a Mom.

5. Do I question whether or not I feel unconditional love for my child?


Matthew 5:48 “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Malachi 3:6 “For I, the Lord, do not change; therefore you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed.”
Matthew 10:34-36 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of this household.”
Isaiah 65:2 “I have spread out My hands all day long to a rebellious people, who walk in the way which is not good, following their own thoughts.”
Matthew 23:27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like white-washed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.”
Matthew 10:22, 38 “And you will be hated by all on account of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved. 38: And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.”
Matthew 23:37 “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling.”
Isaiah 63:9-10 In all their affliction He was afflicted, and the angel of His presence saved them; in His love and in His mercy He redeemed them; and He lifted them and carried them all the days of old. But they rebelled and grieved His Holy Spirit; therefore, He turned Himself to become their enemy, He fought against them.
Deuteronomy 32:19-20, 23-24 And the Lord saw this, and spurned them because of the provocation of His sons and daughters. Then He said, I will hide My face from them, I will see what their end shall be; for they are a perverse generation, sons in whom is no faithfulness.
Jeremiah 12:7-8 “I have forsaken My house, I have abandoned My inheritance; I have given the beloved of My soul into the hand of her enemies. My inheritance has become to Me like a lion in the forest; she has roared against Me; therefore I have come to hate her.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Deuteronomy 32:15, 18 But Jeshurun grew fat and kicked—you are grown fat, thick, and sleek—then he forsook God who made him, and scorned the Rock of his salvation. “You neglected the Rock who begot you, and forgot the God who gave you birth.”
Deuteronomy 32:10-11 He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of a wilderness; He encircled him, He cared for him, He guarded him as the pupil of His eye. Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that hovers over its young, He spread His wings and caught them, He carried them on His pinions.
James 1:7 For let not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord
Luke 10:27 And he answered and said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
Ephesians 5:2 And walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
1 John 4:8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

Handout for Myth #5

If You Find Parenting Difficult,

You Must Not Be Following the Right Plan

Giving Up My Quest to Discover the Best Formula for Raising my Children

Pursuing a Genuine Relationship with God

“The hardest, most real work of parenting is done when I give up my own agenda and seek God’s, when my heart asks to be molded to God’s will and character.” (Fields, pg 116) So, what does it mean to give up “my agenda” to seek God’s? Do I pursue God and let “the village” raise my child?

If having children meant that Moms would find themselves having to ignore their relationship with God, I doubt that God would give us the gift of children. God designed within every Mother the necessary tools to parent our children, and I know that God wants me to attend to my child’s needs. Some of the most basic needs are:

Nutrition – breastfeeding and/or infant formula, introduction of solids and nutritious food
Development - milestones with an emphasis on the individuality of each infant
Connecting - bonding and how this varies for each individual
Communicating – listening to baby, development of language
Behavior - you cannot spoil a newborn, teachable moments, positive reinforcement
Sleep – adequate amount, SIDs safety
Health and care - signs of illness and what to do, immunizations and hygiene

But, there is more to raising children than just being attentive to these basic needs. Sometimes, however, I think that the current parenting programs, formulas, and books paradoxically increase my fears and concerns. I know that being a Mom is not easy. The demands are constant; I cannot sit back and coast. The tasks are never-ending, and there is much to learn. But how can I put it all together to be the best Mom I can be? What is my first step? Do I need to take an inventory? Is my life so caught up in trying to be the best Mom that I’ve forgotten my relationship with God? Is my life sending my children a message of hypocrisy and spiritual indifference? Is my own commitment to Christ what I hope to see in my children’s lives? How do I integrate being a good Mom with putting my relationship with God as a priority?

What does the Bible say about being a Mom?

1. Children are blessed gifts from God Psalm 127:3-5: “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them”

2. Children are a joy, not a burden Proverbs 29:17: “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul.”

3. Raising children is a “full-time” responsibility Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”

4. Children need to be taught about God Ephesians 6:4: “Do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
So, because of what God says, I know I am on firm ground as I work diligently to be a good Mom. God has given me a gift, and has inspired a new kind of commitment – a “blueprint” that comes from Him and flows through me to my children.

Scenario for Discussion:

I am feeling isolated and alone. I’ve asked God to please help me feel better about my life. I am a young Mom, with one child, and my husband works long hours. We do not live close to family. I’m trying to be a good Mom, and I think I’m doing most things right, but I still feel insecure in this new role. It’s been a big adjustment, and that has surprised me. I’ve always wanted to be a Mom and I thought that all of this would come easily for me. When I begin to wonder if I’m doing things right, I read more books written by child care experts, but sometimes the books cause confusion. I love my child so much, and am disappointed that my days sometimes feel long and not a lot of fun, particularly if the baby doesn’t nap, or my husband doesn’t come home until late. Is there something else I could do? Am I missing something? I want to be able to say at the end of the day, “I’m a Mom, and I love it!” It’s not that I can’t say that, but everything has changed for me, and I don’t know how I feel!

QUESTIONS:

1. Have I ever felt like this?
2. What helps me most when I feel insecure about being a Mom?
3. Does God understand my frustrations, longings, hurt?
4. What are God’s promises to me when I feel lonely and insecure?

GROUP DISCUSSION:

God chose me to be the Mom. How can my relationship with God help me with any of the following statements?

· The verb that most accurately describes the management of my life is “to juggle.” Motherhood is one of the balls I am trying to keep in the air.

· Now that I am a Mom, I am feeling a mismatch between expectation and experience, between what I “ought” to be feeling and how I do feel.

· Motherhood is more than I bargained for.

· I have been given a child to be loved, cherished, cared for, and protected. I feel so blessed, but also fearful at times. I love my child so much!

· I think that sometimes I’m being judged by other Moms. I observe some “competitive mothering” and sometimes have trouble coping with “know-it-alls,” “finger-pointers,” and others who try to “out-Mom” me.

Bible Verses in Chapter:
Ephesians 6:4 And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord
Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.”
Proverbs 13:24; He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Psalm 34:11 Come you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Psalm 78:4-6 We will not conceal them from their children, but tell to the generation to come the praises of the Lord and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should teach them to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their children.
Luke 18:16-17 But Jesus called for them, saying, “Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all.
Matthew 18:6 “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck, and that he be drowned in the depth of the sea.”
Matthew 10:37 “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.”
Mark 3:35 “For whoever does the will of God, he is My brother and sister and mother.”
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
Judges 13:8 Then Manoah entreated the Lord and said, “O Lord, please let the man of God whom Thou hast sent come to us again that he may teach us what to do for the boy who is to be born.
Psalm 128:3 Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine, within your house, your children like olive plants around your table.
Galatians 2:16; Nevertheless knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we may be justified by faith in Christ, and not by the works of the Law; since by the works of the Law shall no flesh be justified.
Galatians 3:24 Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, that we may be justified by faith.
Isaiah 29:13 Then the Lord said, “Because this people draw near with their words and honor Me with their lip service, but they remove their hearts far from Me, and their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote.

Handout for Myth #4

Myth #4 –Good Parenting Leads to Happy Children

IS HAPPINESS THE GOAL?

THE MYTH OF HAVING IT ALL

The myth that “having it all will lead to happiness” is epidemic and helps to create unhappy people. There’s an assumption that we should all be happy, and we become discontent when we don’t feel that way. We wonder why we don’t feel happy because, when we observe others, they all look like they are happy. And, we wonder why we feel left out.

Unhappiness is epidemic.

• 1 adult in every 5 need psychiatric care
• 1 marriage in 2 end in divorce
• 1 adult in 4 needs medication to relax
• Unhappiness is present in all income groups; no amount of money solves this problem
Some children’s unhappiness is programmed by their unhappy parents
• Stressed out parents can pass on unhappiness by saying things to their children like: “you’re a nuisance”, “you’ll be sorry”, “you’re selfish”, “you silly idiot”, “don’t be such a pest”, “you’ll slip and fall and then think how I’ll feel”, “why don’t you ever do what you’re told”, “you’re bad.”
• Pushy parents make childhood a stress-filled time of striving and competing-- no time for play-- “you’re not an okay person unless you excel at . . . ”
• Parents often mistakenly believe that extravagant birthday parties, expensive clothes, and up-to-date toys for their children are necessary and will make them all happy.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT BEING HAPPY?

Things happen, and circumstances change. I can feel happy about one thing and unhappy about another at the same time. There is no command in the Bible that I should always be happy.

Possibly, one of the great misunderstandings of modern society is the belief that Christians should be happy all the time. “God rejected this formulaic theology: If we obey God, He will bless us here and now, and we’ll lead wonderful, prosperous, and joy-filled lives all our days”. (Fields, page 82) Scripture does not say, “Don’t worry, be happy.” Scripture does say, “Don’t worry, and rejoice.” The Bible is saying that although I may not feel happy, I can nonetheless experience joy.

There is a world of difference between happiness and Joy. Happiness is the great feeling that I get when everything is going smoothly. Joy is what God gives me in the midst of trouble as long as I place it in God’s hands. Happiness is because of my situation, I have joy in spite of my situation. The following Bible verses talk about joy:

Romans 15:13 “Now may the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace in believing that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Psalm 30:5 “For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.”
James 1:2 “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials.”
2 Corinthians 4:17 “For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.”

Keeping these Bible verses in mind, I see that God desires that I find joy, and that man’s selfish brand of happiness is insufficient.

Therefore, the quest for happiness and/or the avoidance of unhappiness can be superficial compared to the joy found when I pursue holiness.

“The most blessed among us are not those who are fully satisfied, content, and spiritually self-sustaining, but those who are broken, who want, who need, who long for what is promised.” (Fields, page 91) “God’s first concern is always his children’s holiness, not their happiness. “ (Fields, pg 86) “I am learning that it does not serve my children’s good to attempt to fulfill all their desires—most of which are not about pursuing God but about pursuing other things.” (Fields, pg 93) Key Point: Therefore, whether my child is happy or unhappy is not the most important thing, and is not an indicator of whether I’m a good parent. As I pursue holiness, and acknowledge God’s presence in my own life, I can show my children that life is not about “being happy,” but in feeling the joy that God is always with me.

WHAT IS HOLINESS?

Holiness comes from God alone and is a result of the relationship I have with him. Because of my relationship with Him, I am more likely to:

• Pray
• Study my Bible
• Love God
• Do God’s Will
• Live a life of faith
• Show humility, mercy, and benevolence towards others
• Be willing to sacrifice for others
• Possess the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22)
Being “Holy” sometimes seems impossible for me to achieve, as if it is reserved to describe great religious people. However, the choice to pursue holiness is for everyone. It is a continuing process. It does not involve making a hierarchy of my life by putting God at the top and ignoring all of my other responsibilities. It is knowing that God is with me in everything that I do. He will guide my path as I acknowledge Him.

HOW CAN I TEACH MY CHILDREN JOY IN A PRACTICAL WAY? (some possibilities):

1. Lose the sophisticated, reserved, and “proper” ways to relate to babies and toddlers (“calm down, son,” “not here, dear,” “you can’t do that”), and be spontaneous with laughter, delight, excitement, and enthusiasm. Life can be fun despite hardships and stresses.
• Games
• Blowing bubbles, finger paint, water play, dance, music
• Surprises, silly gifts, treasure chest
• Outside activities, nature, animals
2. Attempt to see the world through the eyes of my child. Provide activities that my child shows delight and an intense interest in, and share that joy!
3. Give liberal encouragement, and praise – feel the joy of setting “goals” and working together (baby touching nose on command, clapping hands, learning to walk, saying first words, etc.). Remember that my child’s confidence is delicate.
4. Teach the joy of sharing, and serving by incorporating those into my life

Discussion Questions:

1. Is it wrong to desire happiness for my children?

2. What things are keeping me from joy this morning? Are there things in my life that I am anxious about, things that I’m still trying to find some way to control? How much of my life am I willing to give over for God to use?

3. If people were holier, would they be happier?

4. Do I ever use “God wants me to be happy” to justify my actions?

5. Do I often miss blessings because of my personal quest for happiness?

6. Does the pursuit of happiness get in the way of experiencing joy?


Bible Verses included in the chapter:

Job 36:4 “For truly my words are not false; One who is perfect in knowledge is with you.”
Job 36:11 “I they hear and serve Him, they shall end their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures.”
Job 42:7 And it came about after the Lord had spoken these words to Job, that the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “My wrath is kindled against you and against your two friends, because you have not spoken of Me what is right as My servant Job has.”
Hosea 11:1 When Israel was a youth I loved him, and out of Egypt I called My son.
Psalm 13:1 “How long, O Lord? Wilt Thou forget me forever? How long wilt Thou hide Thy face from me?”
Hebrews 12:28, 29 Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for our God is a consuming fire.
Leviticus 19:2 Speak to all the congregation of the sons of Israel and say to them, “You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy.”
Matthew 5:48 “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Matthew 5:29 “And if your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out, and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”
Hebrews 12:14 Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord.
Hebrews 12:2 Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Matthew 5:3-12 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the gentle for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when men cast insults at you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of Me. Rejoice, and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

Handout for Myth #3

MYTH #3 – Parenting is your Highest Calling

PUTTING MY FAITH AND MY COMMITMENT TO FAMILY IN THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE

Our Highest Calling

God can make my “ordinary Mom life” into an extraordinary one when I ask Him to live in me, and through every circumstance. Could it be, then, that my highest calling is wherever God places me, following Jesus through all my circumstances? For young Moms, that is mostly being with babies and children. Therefore, I am called to show my children what it “looks like” to know and love God in a practical way. I may feel like I consistently drop everything to do things for my children. If my child needs me, I am sure God does not want me to ignore them. But, I can also show them how to give, love, and worship by sacrificing my desire to meet some of my own needs first and to demonstrate a Christ-like approach in my life. This highest calling is not a ministry outside my life, it is how I live. It is not something I do, but who I am.
Setting a good example for my children – what I say will influence my children only if it is supported by action. By accepting my highest calling, I want to provide a solid framework not only for the children to live up to, but for me, as a Mom, to live within. This is not a rule book, or a “to do list.” I am not a failure if I make mistakes. These examples can be integrated into my life no matter what my circumstances.

1. Count blessings rather than troubles
2. Judge self rather than others
3. Prize good character rather than personal gain
4. Serve rather than be served
5. Praise rather than criticize
6. Pray for enemies rather than retaliate against them
7. Give praise to others rather than seek it for myself
8. Be positive rather than negative
9. Forgive rather than hold a grudge
10. Be patient rather than intolerant
11. Give rather than receive
12. Be quick to listen and slow to anger
13. Seek spiritual rather than worldly values
14. Be humble rather than proud
15. Be God-centered rather than self-centered
16. Be honest rather than tricky or conniving
17. Display faithful living: hospitality, understanding, hope, responsibility, integrity, grace, caring, thanksgiving
18. Provide a healthy home atmosphere that helps teach my children about God, an environment that provides a foundation where my children can experience joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control, (Galatians 5:22,23).

Bringing these principles to the “Real World”:

Sometimes the previous examples seem overwhelming in light of the demands upon me as a Mom. They provide more of a big-picture attitude than the nitty-gritty stuff that goes on day to day. So, what can I do if I think that the big picture is getting lost in my life? (The following suggestions are in the context of Moms and children, and do not address other roles like wife, friend, daughter, etc.)

Review the previous 18 examples/statements and evaluate whether I am trending in a positive direction, or whether I need to change regarding some of the ways I am influencing my children. Does my life show my children that I know and love God?
• Sometimes it is best not to react on the spur of the moment to my children. Instead, I could ask myself, “what do I want to accomplish over time, and is this likely to produce that result?”
• Pray to God and ask Him how I can best serve Him by how I interact with my children today. Don’t try to tackle my days in my own power, but rely on God’s power to help me be a faithful Mom.
• Take time to thank God that He is with me wherever I am and in whatever I am doing. Thank Him for the opportunity to serve my children.
• Sing Bible songs, play worship music, and pray with my children (get “basic” and “practical”).
• Be selective with TV watching; read appropriate books to my children.
• Show my children tenderness and affection through eye contact, physical contact, and focused attention.
• Handle conflicts without blaming; accentuate the positive.
• Trust God with my fears, and doubts. It is the only way to be free to be the best Mom I can be. • Remember that if I love my children first, and then pursue my love for God after that, I am choosing to make my children my god. If my children disappoint me (and they will), then I am stuck. It is important for me to offer my children freedom from fulfilling my dreams.
• Be kind to myself – Moms are not perfect. There will be isolated instances of “stressful times,” and times when I really “blow it” as a Mom. These lapses will not destroy the positive foundation I have laid for mothering my children.
Hopefully, the above lists do not suggest that there is a formula for Mothering, and if I work through the steps correctly, everything will be great. Joy and contentment are found when I persevere in setting good examples for my children, and in making it clear that my highest calling is living out my faith in any circumstance in which God has placed me. Many people believe that if I do everything right and follow all of the rules, I will experience the full joy of Motherhood. But, the deeply felt joy of being a Mom will likely only come after I have experienced the pain of failure, frustration, isolation, and many other trials. Moms are going to have difficult days. It is not easy being “on-call” 24/7. But, God has placed me here, and because of His love and strength, I can accept His calling.


QUESTIONS for DISCUSSION:
• What do you think about the author’s (Fields' Myth book) belief that we can love our children too much? In what ways do you agree or disagree?
• Does the Mom role ever feel like a balancing act between pursuing God, and being an attentive Mom? And, if married, how does all of this fit in with my wife role?
• How can I continue to set a good example for my children when I feel myself spiraling down during a difficult day?
• What values and assumptions are my children picking up from our home environment? How do my children see me dealing with challenges, frustrations, and disappointments?

BIBLE VERSES included in the Chapter, Myth #3; Parenting is your Highest Calling:

Matthew 20:20-23 Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came to Him with her sons, bowing down, and making a ‘request of Him.’ And He said to her, “What do you wish?” She said to Him, “Command that in Your kingdom these two sons of mine may sit, one on Your right and one on Your left. But Jesus answered and said, “You do not know what you are asking for. Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink?” They said to Him, “We are able.” He said to them, “My cup you shall drink; but to sit on My right and on My left, this is not mine to give, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by My Father.”
Matthew 20:26-28 “It is not so among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
Matthew 10:37-39 “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life shall lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake shall find it.”
Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before Me.”
Luke 10:27 And he answered and said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”
Titus 2:4 That they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.
Deuteronomy 5:16 Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you.
Matthew 19:19 “Honor your father and mother; and You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Exodus 34:14 For you shall not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God
Genesis 22:2 And He said, “Take now your son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah; and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I will tell you.”
Genesis 21:12 But God said to Abraham, “Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her, for through Isaac your descendants shall be named.”
Hebrews 11:19 He considered that God is able to raise men even from the dead; from which he also received him back as a type.
Galatians 3:6 Even so Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness.
Genesis 17:4 “As for Me, behold, My covenant is with you, and you shall be the father of a multitude of nations. No longer shall your name be called Abram, but your name shall be Abraham; for I will make you the father of a multitude of nations.”
Matthew 25:23 his master said to him, “Well done, good and faithful slave; you were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter in the joy of your master.”
Exodus 10:3 And Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and said to him, “Thus says the Lord, the God of the Hebrews, how long will you refuse to humble yourself before Me? Let My people go, that they may serve Me.”
Deuteronomy 5:7 “You shall have no other gods before Me.”

Handout for Myth #2

http://www.scribd.com/doc/19894999